Archive for the 'LOL' Category

03
Jul
11

On the history of fireworks

Remember Marco Polo? A native of Venice, he is remembered for traveling the Silk Road to China. Marco was a Christian man and his travels have been studied down through the years. Travel was difficult in that era and Marco recorded his travels and difficulties to be passed on in the annals of time.

It is said that Marco Polo was impressed with the fireworks in the country of China while he was there. Especially the rockets. He was told that when shot into the air, they would explode, making noise and creating magnificent colorful patterns.

The problem was that many Chinese people made fireworks, but not many wanted to demonstrate how they worked. Time after time he was told, yes we make fireworks but we will not shoot them in the air here.

Finally he was told of a place where the fireworks were shot in the air every night. The place was an old military stronghold at the community of “Chu Lai”.

When Marco Polo arrived there, he asked the question, Why here?

The simple answer, he was told, is that it is a Chinese tradition to set off fireworks on the “Forts of Chu Lai”

02
Apr
11

Cat vs Printer


NSFW language, but you know you have been there with some computer equipment or other. (o=

14
Aug
10

When White Knighting Is Good

12
Aug
10

Heard On The Radio

Radio stations often play little snippets that plug their station, many times trying to get them to listen to their morning show as I guess thats where the big ratings are. Anyways, heard one such ad on a local station and was expecting to hear the usual but instead heard this:
“If you wanted to listen to idiots talk all morning, you would have gotten married”

09
Aug
10

Fun With Lawyers

Yeah, I know, sounds unlikely, but here are a few good examples.

The FBI sent a cease and desist order to Wikipedia regarding its use of the official FBI insignia that adorns the page for the FBI. The FBI decided to try misapplying and misquoting the law but in this case the lawyers for the targeted company were not cowed. Wikipedia’s lawyers write in part: Entertainingly, in support for your argument, you included a version of 701 in which you removed the very phrases that subject the statute to ejusdem generis analysis. While we
appreciate your desire to revise the statute to reflect your expansive vision of it, the fact is that we must work with the actual language of the statute, not the aspirational version of Section 701 that you forwarded to us.

As well as other beautiful snark such as You may recall that in my initial email response to your estimable
Assistant General Counsel, Mr. Binney,

It reminds me of the letters that Piratebay sends back to lawyers that contact them. If you have the time, their Legal Threats page is an entertaining read

30
Jul
10

Girl Directions

I came across this funny video that I know many of us will identify with.

Caution: Language

26
Jun
10

Scottish Barstool

Need to get me one of these!

05
Jun
10

Doda Makes Me Happy!

So the other day I was stuck in bathroom due to an unfortunate instance of accidental wheat consumption and the light, being on a timer, went off on me and I was stuck in total darkness. (What retard set the bathroom light to go off after just 3 minutes?!?) So I took out my phone for a bit of light and thought to myself “Self, it’d be really cool if you had something on this phone to entertain you in circumstances like this.”

Well, I took my own advice and put some music videos onto my phone. One of which is Doda Elektroda’s Dzaga. She makes me happy. I smile each time I watch this video and I think you (men) will too.

Oh, and this qualifies as my Weekend Beauty post as well. Can’t do much better than a hot blonde that can sing so I won’t try.

07
May
10

Why Web Friends Are Better Than Real Life Friends

Because some things you just don’t want those closest to you knowing…

06
Apr
10

Society For Evil Overlords

Important release from the Society for Overlords of Evil (S-FOE). . .

Recently, the Society for Overlords of Evil has noticed a regrettable decline in the availability and quality of fanatical henchmen, evil priests, and willing sacrificial victims (Due, no doubt, to the siphoning effect of Obama’s reign.) We wish to correct this growing problem by submitting the following general guidelines for Cultists.

– Pick one faith and stay with it. Dilettantism is the mark of the amateur.

– Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct pronunciation of your deity’s name in the privacy of your own room before chanting it in public. Flash cards are often helpful.

– Never invoke anything bigger than your head.

– Avoid all kabbalistic jewelry over ten pounds in weight– it attracts unwelcome attention from tourists, policemen, various supernatural creatures, and can be downright dangerous during thunderstorms.

– Citronella candles may not be used in rituals. I cannot stress this enough. Pastel-colored candles in the shape of cute animals are like beacons to the Powers of Darkness.

– Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife, Thug-gee cord, service revolver, garlic, Yellow Sign, cab fare, condoms, and change.

– NEVER be the cultist that goes to rough up the hero(es). Ransacking hotel rooms is probably safe, but going ’round to beat up the good guys is a sure route to the bottom of the Thames.

– When the Black Mass goes awry, stay away from the Evil Priest. Enraged demons always go for the pompous.

– Don’t gloat.

– If you can’t resist gloating, don’t reveal your plans.

– If you do gloat and reveal your plans, don’t leave the hero(es) to die slowly. They don’t.

– If you gloat, reveal your plans, and leave the hero(es) to die slowly, don’t have the audacity to look surprised when they turn up at the last moment to foil your evil plot.

– The hero (or heroes) will always show up at the last possible moment to foil your plans. With this in mind, start half an hour early– they hate that.

– Plan ahead by selecting ceremonial robes that are easy to run in while still affording ample concealment.

– Never screw anything whose genetic structure you are not absolutely comfortable with.

– Never admit to screwing anything whose genetic structure you are not absolutely comfortable with.

– When a religious artifact begins emitting light, CLOSE YOUR EYES. Thousands of cultists could be saved every year if they’d just remember this simple safety tip.

– When mutilating cattle, avoid the ones with testicles.

– During ritual sacrificing, taking bits home for later is now generally considered “bad form.”

– Blood tests are now required for all sacrificial victims before the ritual. The effects of HIV+ offerings on the average malefic deity have never been witnessed by anyone living, or even intact.

– Contrary to historical belief, drugs and invocations do not mix. When the shit comes down, it is vitally necessary to be able to discern between the gibbering monstrosity to throw the holy water on and the gibbering monstrosity that will fade away after a few hours, some B-complex, and a good hot bath.

– Never play strip Tarot.

– Piety and belief are powerful things, and few forces in nature can stand against one who is true to his faith, his god, and his own soul. However, it is also true that the gods tend to side with the heaviest artillery, so be prepared change sides at the drop of a hat.

– For those situations where a fresh, living sacrifice is just not feasible (or even possible), the lower ranks of demons can be fooled by microwaving a previously-frozen chunk of ex-victim and cleverly jiggling it. However, a mock victim sculpted from Spam(TM) is right out.

30
Mar
10

3-D Building Projection

Came across this video and thought it looked pretty cool.

And now for a slightly less legal usage of the same technology

20
Mar
10

Group Pranks

I just came across this video and got a pretty good laugh out of it.

These group pranks require a fair amount of people but would really make for some incredible fun. Check out this next one too. The very last prank of the video would be relatively easy to pull off with your class or perhaps a youth group.

17
Mar
10

Vegetarians: View From The Other Side

08
Feb
10

Move Over LOL Cats!

The next big thing is….

The Selleck Waterfall Sandwich

My favorite is probably the bologna sandwich tho too be honest, unless you a woman who lusted over him way back in the day (or gay) there isn’t too much to get excited about.

21
Dec
09

The Waitress and the …

My boy just (sorta) hit on the waitress. He was telling her about planets and then said “But there is one thats even hotter, Your anus (Uranus) is the hottest”

09
Nov
09

Feel Good vs Mental Hangup

Why do we have so many hang ups that keep us from doing things that feel good? I mean, if I can engage is some behavior that makes me feel good, and it doesn’t harm anyone, whats up with the hangups? Should there be anything between me and doing something that gives me an all day high? So why so many mental hangups with me conquering the flesh? Some would even say that I would be a better person if I were to do it daily and I have to say that I agree. I’d be more successful in life, more confident and have ever greater success with the opposite sex.

Oh, this is about exercise. Just what were you thinking?!?

05
Nov
09

Diversions: Muppet Test

I must say that this is perhaps the most accurate internet test I have ever seen! It will peg which muppet you are in just 4 questions or less.