Wooden Spoons In Break Room

I work at a place that has not one, or even two, but three garbage cans. Trash, recycling and “compost.” Never before have I ever had to put so much thought into just which bin does my trash goes. In an effort to be even more environmentally friendly, my company has switched from one type of compostable “plastic” utensils to another that melts in any sort of heat. To compensate for this they have given us wooden spoons that resemble nothing so much as tongue depressors. They have requested feedback so I wrote the following

Dear Dining Services,

I have long wondered just what it would be like to eat with a tongue depressor. I would find myself at the Dr.’s office pondering this deep question and speculate on whether such a device would cause you to gag while eating yet still allowing for eating?. Well lo and behold, my long standing quest for an answer has finally been fulfilled. This week I was pleasantly surprised to find out that you do indeed get some of the open-up-and-say-ahh gag factor, albeit slight, with the new wooden spoon/tongue depressor stocked in the kitchenettes, while yet still allowing for consumption of food. And it is also comforting to know that should there ever be an outbreak swine/avian/flying pig flu that we will have a ready supply of tongue depressors right here on site (do we get a break on insurance for taking such precautions?)

Thank you for helping me answer this question!

Yours truly,
DoubleMinded Man


5 Responses to “Wooden Spoons In Break Room”

  1. 1 Superpickle
    August 11, 2010 at 3:01 PM

    Oh this is fantastic. Watch out for splinters!

  2. 2 Will S.
    August 11, 2010 at 5:46 PM

    Dear Double-Minded Man,

    We understand your complaint, and have decided, in response, to remove the wooden spoons, and in fact, all current cutlery, and replace them with more culturally-diverse-yet-equally-compostable wooden chopsticks. This will also have the advantage of making any Asians or Asian-Americans feel more comfortable at the workplace; but, to ensure that Middle Easterners and anyone who can’t use the chopsticks will also feel equally comfortable, permission is hereby granted to eat with your hands; no-one will judge you, else will face reprimand for cultural insensitivity.

    Thanks for your understanding and patience.

    Dining Services

  3. 3 Will S.
    August 11, 2010 at 5:47 PM

    P.S. You may slurp your soup bowl, like miso soup at a Japanese restaurant.

  4. August 12, 2010 at 12:38 AM

    The whole recycle thing is silly. No one wants most of our garbage, it is cheaper to make from scratch. Better to sort into carbon based (food, paper plastic etc.) and metal/ glass. Then thermopolymerise the carbon rubbish into oil.

  5. August 12, 2010 at 12:38 AM

    Cheaper to make goods from scratch that is, not garbage 🙂

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