Computer Transcription Fail

Got a voice mail at work and this is what it transcribed to. Good thing you can play the actual audio!

Hi DMM this is [woman’s name] I am [husbands name] life hey I just want to let you know that we had a power outage out here in [county] and our power just came back on and I got the four messages that you bust on our.

Voice mail unfortunately [hubby] already left for work so I think probably the best way for your reach and if you haven’t already is added in the holler on a cell phone Nordic in the holler on his work number — anyway sorry we can wrap pick up the phone or respond via phone with Eileen since I was out.

Hi if you have any questions give me holler call directly thanks bye.

Note, I removed all actual names. Eileen wasn’t anyone’s name just a failure of the transcription.

iPhone Users Have More Sex

Or so says OK Cupid’s website where they do meta-analysis on the millions of profiles they have access to. They gather statistics on user profiles, contacts, and various data from questions and quizzes and have come up with some interesting info. Like the below statement

“File this under “icebreakers, MacWorld ’11”. Finally, statistical proof that iPhone users aren’t just getting fucked by Apple:”

Per their research, owners of iPhones have had more sexual partners by age 30 than either blackberry or droid users. There is of course a difference between the sexes with the women posting higher numbers than are the men. Its not surprising of course to those who have had their eyes opened to it. It does, however fly in the face of those who insist that the average numbers must match between men and women.

They also post good info on the f-stop of the picture seeming to be relevant but their saying that the nicer the camera the nicer the pic is a no brainer. Nicer cameras (SLRs) are usually only owned by people who know how to use them and are always used when professional pictures are taken so its going to skew the numbers.

They end with this gem and so shall I:

Use a decent camera. Go easy on the flash. Own the foreground. Take your picture in the afternoon. Then visit the nearest Apple store. Done.

When White Knighting Is Good

Heard On The Radio

Radio stations often play little snippets that plug their station, many times trying to get them to listen to their morning show as I guess thats where the big ratings are. Anyways, heard one such ad on a local station and was expecting to hear the usual but instead heard this:
“If you wanted to listen to idiots talk all morning, you would have gotten married”

Wooden Spoons In Break Room

I work at a place that has not one, or even two, but three garbage cans. Trash, recycling and “compost.” Never before have I ever had to put so much thought into just which bin does my trash goes. In an effort to be even more environmentally friendly, my company has switched from one type of compostable “plastic” utensils to another that melts in any sort of heat. To compensate for this they have given us wooden spoons that resemble nothing so much as tongue depressors. They have requested feedback so I wrote the following

Dear Dining Services,

I have long wondered just what it would be like to eat with a tongue depressor. I would find myself at the Dr.’s office pondering this deep question and speculate on whether such a device would cause you to gag while eating yet still allowing for eating?. Well lo and behold, my long standing quest for an answer has finally been fulfilled. This week I was pleasantly surprised to find out that you do indeed get some of the open-up-and-say-ahh gag factor, albeit slight, with the new wooden spoon/tongue depressor stocked in the kitchenettes, while yet still allowing for consumption of food. And it is also comforting to know that should there ever be an outbreak swine/avian/flying pig flu that we will have a ready supply of tongue depressors right here on site (do we get a break on insurance for taking such precautions?)

Thank you for helping me answer this question!

Yours truly,
DoubleMinded Man

New Pandemic! We Are All Gonna Die!

You heard it hear first! Line up for the next overhyped much needed vaccine. This news is just in time as the WHO officially declared swine flu “pandemic” was over just yesterday. (they don’t waste any time with these things do they?)

The AP brings us news that there is now a new double plus ungood strain of sooper dooper resistant bacteria out there. So this isn’t the actual start of the new and improved pandemic-that-is-going-to-kill-us-all-if-we-don’t-line-up-for-flu-shots-right-this-instant. However, it is laying the media panic layer down for the next big Big Pharma bailout scare uber deadly* antibacterial resistant strain of the flu.

Just remember that you heard it here first. I suspect to hear calls for this new latest greatest flu no sooner than late winter, but likely not till next year before the regular flu season. Hafta give the proles some time between panics lest it lose its affect upon them

* The Swine Flu is accredited with killing 18,449 people worldwide since 2009. This compared with an average yearly flu death toll in the US alone of 33,000

People Avoid Taxes? Or The Law Of Unintended Consequences

This article is a bit old but its been on my back burner for a long time and its just time to get rid of it.

Basically its how companies quickly found a loophole in the latest tobacco tax increase and are exploiting it as any sane company would do. This shows us that behavior is driven in many cases by the law. It applies pressure in one area, so people move on to another area until the Gov makes more laws which just alter peoples behavior. And of course it isn’t in just this one area, nor does it apply to businesses only. There are tens of thousands of pages of law that govern our every day activities. Its enough to make one wonder how much different a really free society would be?