Domestic Violence: A Reply

Over at Laura’s on her post “An Article that Teaches Wives How to Train a Husband Like a Dog” she received the below comment. I tried to respond over at Laura’s but was unable to do so, so I posted it here.

Anonymous said…

Are you really puzzled as to why there is a double standard?

It has to do with how women were treated in history–back in the days when beating your wife was legal, when women couldn’t own property, when their feet were bound and broken so they could hardly walk, when they were literally sold by their fathers into slavery (read recent Chinese history for proof).

Since there is a history of treating women almost like dogs, making a joke about it comes too close to home.

On the other hand, men are the ones who commit domestic violence the majority of the time (visit any shelter to see the battered, broken women there). They are the ones who control society through voting, physical strength, and discriminatory laws. So making a joke about teaching them to “heel” is far more palatable.

July 11, 2010 5:20 PM

Anon 520 (should that be 420?)

Your reciting the men-beat-women meme is completely unconvincing. The facts are that women commit DV at a slightly higher rate than men, as posted upon by Elusive Wapiti. Compound this with severe under reporting of female on male DV and it is no doubt significantly higher

To quote from EW’s article (note PV = Partner Violence, rather than the more commonly used Domestic Violence):
Feminist-friendly scholar Murray Strauss of the University of New Hampshire is a profligate publisher in the arena of PV. Last year, he published a paper titled “Gender Symmetry in Partner Violence: The Evidence, The Denial, and the Implications for Primary Prevention and Treatment”.

There are 200 studies that demonstrate equal rates of PV. Evidence that PV is symmetrical in context and motives has been available for at least 25 years.

The majority of PV is mutual combat, accounting for about 50% of PV incidents

Female-only PV is somewhat more prevalent than male-only PV

Female PV is a key antecedent of male PV; in other words, she often starts fights which result in the male fighting back in response. Moreover, female PV helps legitimize male PV. Both serve to increase the rates at which women are harmed in PV episodes.

This is also highlighted by a graph showing the acceptability of female violence compared the the acceptability of male violence. The above puts the lie to the feminist claim that men are the ones who commit DV the majority of the time.

The study goes on to say:

Symmetry in Coercion and Control
Both sexes use PV as a tool of coercion and control, contra to the feminist characterization of PV as a tool of the “patriarchy”**. Women who commit female-only PV (data for men was not provided by the studies Strauss quoted) offered the following reasons for their violence:

46% “My partner wasn’t sensitive to my needs”
44% “I wished to gain my partner’s attention”
38% “I didn’t believe my actions would hurt my partner”
38% “My partner was being verbally abusive to me”
43% “My partner was not listening to me”
90% assaulted their partner because they were “furious, jealous, or frustrated”

In a study of couples in the first three years of marriages, wives used slightly more controlling behaviors than men

In a study of college students in 1991, men attributed their violence to anger 37.5% of the time, while women attributed their violence to anger 57.6% of the time. Moreover, men reported a desire to control their partner 8.3% of the time, while women reported using violence as a tool of control 22% of the time.

Other studies reported that the motivations of coercion and control were slightly more prevalent in the PV committed by women than in men.

Note the petty reasons listed by these female DV perpetrators: Not sensitive to my needs, to gain my partner’s attention, My partner was not listening to me. These aren’t even reasons to be violent. How is it that the so-called gentler sex is committing violence because she is not getting attention? How does that equate to self defense, or the “evils of patriarchy”

I could go on and tear down some of the rest of your statement, but I will leave it at this one aspect for now.


10 Responses to “Domestic Violence: A Reply”

  1. July 12, 2010 at 8:52 AM

    DMM, thanks for the plug.

    I get the feeling that Anony 5:20 was just trolling.

  2. July 12, 2010 at 9:44 AM

    Since Dan hasn’t posted anything yet I will get the obligatory “You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny” brilliant deduction and irrelevant observation out of the way.

    Now. For the discussion…

    In lieu of the safeguards placed in the Word regarding personal behavior modern females have given themselves qualifiers for every possible choice and excuses for every possible bad action.

    In the instance of domestic violence by women toward men, a woman who understands the blessing of her unique position within the Body and possesses a character strengthened by the Holy Spirit wouldn’t find herself enraged to the point that violence becomes an option. Toward herself, toward her children or toward her spouse.

    A man who understands the responsibility of his role within the relationship, the Body and his accountability to the Word and the Lord would also be ACTIVELY pursuing other options than violence.

    That being said? Sometimes a child needs a spanking. Act like a child? Get treated like one.

    A spanking is not abuse. It is a harsh consequence that will, due to the aversion most of us have to it, cause us to think carefully about behavior that will put us in the receiving end.

    In a perfect world we all treat each other with respect and behave with dignity and intelligence. In a perfect world we complement each other and move forward instead of being side tracked by selfishness and irrational anger.

    It’s not a perfect world. And there aren’t very many ladies out there anymore.

  3. July 12, 2010 at 9:20 PM


    You did such a fantastic job on that post, along with so many others on the subject, that I am more than happy to refer back to them.

    Thanks Heidi. Dan seems to have gone back into the shadows, so I appreciate your stepping up and taking care of business.

  4. July 13, 2010 at 5:52 PM

    Well, I think that’s just the kind of man Dan is. He needs the girl to get in there and git’r’done.

    Right, honey?

  5. 5 Rachel
    July 16, 2010 at 3:54 PM

    As a woman who is recovering from being in an abusive marriage I find the tone of this a little on the offensive side. I did not make my husband hit me, nor did I make him call me names and treat me like a piece of trash. Neither did I do anything to “deserve” being treated in that way.

    What he did to me was wrong. Period. There is NO excuse for a man controlling every move his wife makes, who she is allowed to talk to, cutting her off from her friends and family and leaving her in fear for her life.

  6. July 17, 2010 at 12:50 AM


    Welcome to the blog. Comments are always welcome and the exchange of ideas is highly encouraged here.

    As for the post, I am sorry that you experienced what you did. Abuse should not happen to anyone, male female or child. But I was not addressing any single case and only statistics and so make no apology for what I have written. For the record, I do not approve of abuse, from either gender, and especially do not approve those who fight so hard to ignore half of the problem or manipulate the conversation in order to do so. Throw in the fact that men do not recognize when they are being abused and we have a real big problem that is made worse by laws that presume the guilt of men, evidence be damned. Much progress has been made in stamping out half the abuse. Its time that we stop sticking our heads in the sand and call out the other half of the problem.

  7. July 18, 2010 at 9:57 AM

    Purely anecdotal tidbit…

    I’ve called the police because of my neighbors arguing. Different neighborhoods, different people, different stories.

    EVERY time it’s been because SHE has gotten physical with him and I can hear it escalating to the point where I am concerned for the welfare of children in the home.

    That’s my experience and I live in a small, rural town.

    And we aren’t even cutting edge! 🙂

  8. July 18, 2010 at 6:04 PM

    Rachel, I don’t know you, so please don’t take this personally…

    Venting on…

    I’m not a big fan of the attitude that says, “Something bad happened to me leaving me with horrific psychological and even physical scars so I will now make everyone tiptoe around me if any subject relating to my personal trauma encroaches on my space. In fact, I won’t stop there, I will LOOK for people to confine to my personal ideals of what is acceptable BASED on what does and does not make me uncomfortable.”


    I was “victimized” for 6 years… Horrible, awful sexual acts which should never be perpetrated on a child. By men and women. I was neglected by my parents, abused by the church and in fits of depression slit my wrists and invoked demons.

    I get pain.

    But I can still allow you to talk about whatever the HELL you want to EVEN IF IT gets close to the heart of my issues! In fact, thanks to God and His amazing grace I can also know even reasonably and rationally discuss some of the pain and scars which I still have.

    *end Venting*

    Just sayin’.

  9. August 11, 2010 at 1:02 PM

    “As a woman who is recovering from being in an abusive marriage I find the tone of this a little on the offensive side. I did not make my husband hit me, nor did I make him call me names and treat me like a piece of trash. Neither did I do anything to “deserve” being treated in that way.

    What he did to me was wrong. Period. There is NO excuse for a man controlling every move his wife makes, who she is allowed to talk to, cutting her off from her friends and family and leaving her in fear for her life.

    Rachel, let me say this as kindly as I can: The rest of the world does not revolve around YOUR personal trials and traumas.

    YOU are not the target. YOU are not the subject.


    The overwhelming weight of evidence now indicates, that men and women commit domestic abuse at roughly the same rate.

    However, the feminists will tell you that men commit 95% of it. Yet in spite of repeated corrections they are STILL saying this, and they show NO sign of slowing down!

    The feminists continue to spread LYING HATE PROPAGANDA, like there is no tomorrow – just as they have done for the last 35 years!

    And THAT, Rachel, is what we are talking about here, NOT about YOUR personal trials and traumas – which are only a tiny part of the big picture.

    Again. . . THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

    Nobody is accusing YOU. Nobody has said that “Rachel has done these things.”

    It does not pertain to you in any way!

    And not once – not ONCE – did anybody say there was any excuse for a man to treat his wife that way.

    SO. . . why do you take it PERSONALLY??

    Unless you simply want to derail the entire discussion upon such issues?

    That would be typical feminist behavior……

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