08
Feb
10

Fathers And Angry Young Men

Found these three pieces and they all speak to the same thing: angry young men.

From Vox Day we find this excerpt from a book called Nutureshock

“Dr. Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan did a study of parenting styles, and how they relate to aggressiveness and acting out at school. The fathers in her study fell into three camps–the Progressive Dads, the Traditional Dads, and the Disengaged Dads…. However, Schoppe-Sullivan was surprised to discover that the Progressive Dads had poorer marital quality and rated their family functioning lower than the fathers in couples who took on traditional roles…

[The Progressive Dads’] inconsistency and permissiveness led to a surprising result in Sullivan’s study: the children of Progressive Dads were aggressive and acted out in school nearly as much as the kids with fathers who were distant and disengaged.”

And then there is this post by blogger Tiffani

We live in a society of angry young men. You see them everywhere – slouching, defiant, rebellious. Is this just a natural “stage” of development, or are we creating these malcontents?

As our sons have gotten older, my husband and I have given these questions a lot of thought. We have witnessed many friends sons grow from being sweet, fun-loving ruddy little boys into being angry, rude, disrespectful “teenagers”. We have watched godly parents lose their sons in fits of rebellion, leaving mangled remnants of families to stagger onward. Is there any hope for us? Will our sweet sons be fodder for an angry world?

As we were watching a movie one evening, I had an epiphany. It was not a great movie, in fact, we turned it off shortly after watching this one, life-changing scene. The movie was Alexander the Great, and the scene was around the time Alexander was 12 years old. His father was watching his men trying to break and “unbreakable” stallion. The stallion was truly rogue. He would wildly strike at any person within striking distance. He lounged, kicked, bit. Alexander’s father issued a decree that any man who could tame the horse, could have him. None of the soldiers came forward to claim the prize. No man came forward. No man but Alexander himself. At 12 years old, he said “Father, I can tame him!”. At this statement, Alexander’s mother moved to stop her young son, but his father, with one look, warned his mother to remain silent. Was this the action of a controlling man? Or was it the action of a man, who knows what men in the making require? Alexander brought that horse out of the shadows (he fought for fear of the shadows) and rode him admirably. That horse became the stead, Bucephalus, that Alexander the Great rode into battle when he conquered the mighty Persian Empire.

I believe that was the moment that Alexander the Great became a man. Would he have become the man that he was, had his mother been successful in her attempt to “protect” him? I do not think that he would have. His father knew what was needed. Although it makes no sense to women, men need defining moments of manhood.

And finally this over at WND by Patrice Lewis

As they grow older, boys don’t always want – or need – protection. They need challenges, adventures and acts of knighthood. Fathers – strong fathers – know when to push aside the protection of mothers and start training their sons to be men. The operative word is training.

The training is critical. Untrained boys grow up to be monsters: out of control, predatory on women, irresponsible, unable or unwilling to restrain their testosterone-fueled urges for aggression or sex. Our current society is littered with the damage left over from boys who never learned what it takes to be a man. Sadly, these “adult boys” often procreate indiscriminately and uncaringly, then refuse to be a father to the children they produce.

But trained men transform society. They work hard. They move heavy things. They build shelters. They protect, defend and rescue. They provide for their families. They do all the scary, ugly, dirty stuff women can’t (or won’t) do. Trained men are, in the words of columnist Dennis Prager, the glory of civilization.

As Tiffani points out, boys need men to help them establish their manhood in appropriate ways. Men understand that boys need defining experiences and challenges to fulfill their biologically programmed roles. Women don’t understand this, but that’s OK. Strong fathers (or father figures) will instinctively step in and start training boys on how to tame the testosterone, how to work, how to respect women, how to lead and defend, and how to slay dragons.

Trouble begins when there isn’t a male role model for a boy to emulate. If men are absent, emasculated or unwilling to teach boys how to behave, then boys don’t learn how to be men. Simple as that.

Well, its almost that simple. Men also need to have a reason to be a part of this world and continue the job of creating and bettering society. Or in other words, if both the fruits of our labor and of our loins can be taken from us men as well as our marriages (and often all at the same time), then we have nothing to gain by participating in society and that anger will infest even those who were raised right.

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4 Responses to “Fathers And Angry Young Men”


  1. February 9, 2010 at 1:24 AM

    You know, I read all this stuff, and I agree with it, but I think it all misses the point. It sees the symptoms but not the disease. Yes, we have sullen, angry, detached, undisciplined young men. But they are not the problem.

    The problem is the girls and women. Girls and women who grow up to learn to despise, to hold in contempt, to fear, to exploit, and yes, to hate boys and men. Fix them, make them make room for the masculine half of the world, and I think the problems with the guys largely go away.

    Our problem is that our society no longer makes room for the masculine. The yin has overtaken the yang. We are out of balance.

  2. February 8, 2010 at 5:53 PM

    The problem is the girls and women. Girls and women who grow up to learn to despise, to hold in contempt, to fear, to exploit, and yes, to hate boys and men. Fix them, make them make room for the masculine half of the world, and I think the problems with the guys largely go away.

    I agree, and that is why I added that bit at the end. Men need to be “enfranchised” or even proper raising will still lead to angry men. And as men are the backbone of society we will either see it crumble, or start over anew.

  3. 3 Nell
    February 13, 2010 at 5:11 PM

    Good commentary. Most of today’s women have been tricked and bamboozled into believing their brightest future is to be dominant, controlling pseudo-men. Civilization is morphing inside out.
    Parents, (I speak especially to mothers) should be raising their sons to be knights, which requires sacrificial love on your part. There are times, where in spite of your protective nature, you grit your teeth, let go, push them out the nest, and don’t look back. Give them the opportunity to fly, to become strong, healthy men. (I have 4 sons, 7 grandsons and 1 great-grandson.)

    Women, your daughters should teethe on the following: “To a great extent the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood. When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.” – Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

  4. 4 Jean
    February 14, 2010 at 9:46 AM

    Elusive Wapiti said:
    The problem is the girls and women. Girls and women who grow up to learn to despise, to hold in contempt, to fear, to exploit, and yes, to hate boys and men. Fix them, make them make room for the masculine half of the world, and I think the problems with the guys largely go away.

    Elusive,
    Have you ever tried to herd cats?

    Just sayin’…


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