Love: A Miscommunication

Love. I noticed several years ago that its a difficult concept because it is not used to define the same thing in men as in women. Its kinda like a Christian and a Mormon having a discussion. They both have very different definitions of the words they use and so mean different things by them, but they think they are having a discussion and so each is able to go on blissfully unaware that the other did not understand them. In a similar fashion both men and women refer to love, but they are talking past each other because their definition of the word is not the same.

I came across the following (which prompted this post as someone else was pointing out something close to my own conclusions) from the comments on The Spearhead made by Globalman at 10:24pm

Love? Women are not capable of it. Period. No need for any more discussion on that point.

Relationships? They are actually not possible between a man and a woman. ‘Relationships’ are a scam introduced to brainwash men into providing for women. And I used to be called ‘Mr. Relationships’ by my friends. LOL! I have studied and worked on ‘relationships’ for 32 years. My conclusion is that a reasonably intelligent man can not actually have a relationship with a woman as men understand relationships. Women don’t want men, they want what men provide, whereas men actually really want a relationship with a woman as we have been programmed to want such. … Us poor ‘beta providers’ believed our mums that woman want relationships. It’s all a lie.

Globalman breaks it into two categories and perhaps he is correct to do so but I have not put much thought into that. What I have noticed, however, is that when we talk of love we use a very different term. Women fall into, and out of, love very quickly and often. Men take longer to fall in love and when they do they graft that person into their being and it is not easy to fall out of love as it is akin to tearing apart the very fiber of yourself. Now if women loved as men it would not be possible for them to fall in and out of love. It would be too damaging to their selves(psyches.) It is possible that this characteristic was placed by G-d (or evolution if you prefer) as women in primitive societies had less control over who they were with as well as a high mortality rate for men could see them with a new partner on a somewhat frequent basis. Whatever the reason for the difference, it would be nice to have a different word for the two feelings, or that our young men would be taught of this, and other differences, so that we don’t have to learn it the hard way, or learn it from some who would push them towards an immoral path.

Globalman also denigrates women’s desire for relationships. I think if we look at the above then it makes a bit more sense that what we think a relationship is differs between the sexes. A man wants a relationship for companionship, sex, a mother to his children and to ensure that the children are indeed his. A woman wants a relationship for someone to provide materially for her and her children (tho not necessarily his children.) It does seem that GM is correct when he states that women want what men provide, and not men themselves. Once they manage to get a guy (marriage) they spend the rest of their lives belittling him, behind his back, to his face as well as in public. Women also initiate divorce in record numbers, with an increase of 600% over the last few decades and among certain groups of women (college educated) in 90% of the divorces. I hardly think it coincidental that at the same time as that increase came favorable laws to enable women to keep the kids AND the now despised man’s money. Add in pop-cultures message of how women need a man like a fish needs a bicycle and GM’s claim of “lie” has far too much truth in it.


5 Responses to “Love: A Miscommunication”

  1. November 1, 2009 at 11:08 PM

    Men take longer to fall in love and when they do they graft that person into their being and it is not easy to fall out of love as it is akin to tearing apart the very fiber of yourself.

    Erik, oddly enough, you’ve described how I feel about my husband. I’ve always actually felt slightly guilty that I don’t feel more strongly for him. I don’t get weak-kneed, my heart doesn’t flutter, etc. But I know without a doubt that if he were removed from my life that it would be exactly as you say – a part of me would be torn away with him. I’ve been told that my personality is one more commonly found in men though.

    It is readily apparent that men and women were created to both feel, think and react differently and it’s illuminating that there are different instructions for the two sexes on how to behave in a relationship. Unfortunately I think our current society exploits the female psyche and makes a mountain out of what might have been merely a molehill in other places and other times.

  2. November 9, 2009 at 4:20 AM

    ooohhh, hot topic for sure. I so wish more was written about the different views. Thanks for exploring it.

  3. November 9, 2009 at 7:31 AM

    Its hard to know what those different views are. We probably think differently about a number of our emotions but since we use the same terms its the same problem as with love. Should I think of them, or anyone wants to suggest one, I’ll post on it

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